


I Don't Understand

by RPGwrites



Series: V's World [2]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28588098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites
Summary: The closer the time nears for the bio-chip to be removed the more doubts V has. She's afraid she won't be able to let go. How can she let go of Johnny after the friendship they built? But no one can understand this. Hell, she doesn't even understand it.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand & Female V, Panam Palmer/Female V
Series: V's World [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066628
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	I Don't Understand

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [ Ripley95 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripley95/) who read this fic beforehand and gave me her opinion on it.

“So this is home?” Panam said as she got into V’s apartment. “You should have let me visit sooner,” she teased. 

V shrugged, “My place is always open.”

It was mere weeks that V told Panam about Johnny. Weeks that have been wonderful. They kept in touch and in turn V have kept her updated about ways how to remove the bio-chip. Which was exactly why she was here. 

Johnny leaned against the wall, arms crossed across his chest. His eyes looked over at Panam. She checked the room out. Inspect the place which V called home. 

“This...place,” Panam started, “Nice place you got.” The words went out slowly and V knew exactly what it meant. 

V snorted, “I know it’s not that great. But it’s a place to put my head down at night.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

“You didn’t say you liked it either.”

“Well,” Panam said, “It’s not bad.”

“Uh-huh. Liar,” V said playfully. “Want a tour?”

Panam’s gaze stretched to practically her whole apartment, “There’s more?”

“Well,” V shrugged, “There’s an armory and a bathroom.”

Panam chuckled at that, “I’m good.” 

“Let’s get something to drink and we’ll talk.”

* * *

“So,” Panam said as she took a big gulp of her beer, “This new lead, is it good?”

V shrugged, “Can’t say. Looks promising though.”

Panam stared at her for a while, studying her. “Can you tell that to your face? It looks like the worst news you have. Do you think it won’t work?”

She looked to the side of the room where Johnny was standing. He was leaning forward as if he was interested in the conversation too. 

V sighed. Here Panam was asking V something she was fighting within. She knew the lead was promising. This might be the way to get rid of the bio-chip. After Takemura’s death V thought all hope was lost and then this fell onto her lap. 

So why did she feel this way?

But it was all lies. V knew exactly what this was. 

“It’s nothing,” V said instead. She hoped Panam would leave it and that Johnny wouldn’t ask later. 

But it was too much to hope for. 

“V.” Panam stretched her name out. “What’s going on?”

She looked at her feet as if it’s the most interesting thing in the room, “I don’t know if I can do it.”

When she looked back at Panam she saw that she frowned. “What?” Panam asked. 

“Get rid of the bio-chip.” It didn’t help dancing around in circles yet that was exactly what she did. 

Panam had a look on her face. A look V couldn’t read no matter how hard she tried. Perhaps she was angry or disappointed. “I don’t understand V. That’s why you’re taking these leads.Just have it taken out.”

“I know,” V said with a sigh. “I don’t know if I can say goodbye.”

One stare was all it took. The atmosphere felt so tense it might explode. “To Silverhand?”

“Yeah. I know you don’t understand. But I’ve had him in my head for weeks now and-”

“Stop.” Panam held her hand up. “Is it him? Is he making you say this?”

V only blinked. What else could she do? She heard this before. People saying she’s not acting like herself. That she has changed. She has changed. But not for the reason they believed.

“Dammit Panam. You’re not listening to me.”

“But V,” Panam sounded very concerned,” It’s a possibility. Maybe that’s what he wants.”

“He doesn’t want to be stuck in my head either, okay.”

“Then what is the problem V?” Panam’s voice rose. “He’s a murderer. An asshole. You’re giving him the satisfaction.”

“Panam don’t…”

“I can’t believe this.”

And Panam stormed out of the building.

* * *

“Well that was something,” Johnny said after a few tense moments. 

She knew this would happen. Of course Johnny would have something to say about it. “Just say what you want to say.” 

“You don’t want the bio-chip removed?”

“I do. I just don’t think it will be the easiest thing to do.” She buried her face in her hands. She didn’t mean to have an argument about this. “It’s just hard. Letting go. Never been good at that.”

Johnny smoked. Smoke coming from him each time he took the cigarette to his lips. “Didn’t know you felt like that V.”

She stood up, “Well this last few weeks have been hell. But hell, it changed me.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

V wasn’t sure. How could she be. She felt like she didn’t even know herself anymore. So she shrugged, “Does it have to be one of those? Can’t it be neither.”

“Suppose it could.” He took his cigarette to his mouth again and inhaled the smoke. “Are you going to talk to her?”

“Well, not now. She’s pissed. Can’t really blame her. This is so insane. No one can understand this.”

If she was in Panam’s shoes her reaction might not have been much different. But she should give her some space and time. 

And that’s exactly what V did. 

* * *

Hours have passed but yet V didn’t want to leave her apartment. She had jobs to do, people that needed her help but with the argument she had with Panam none of that mattered. 

So she stayed and waited for Panam. She took a shower, ate, and cleaned her apartment. When she was done and she still hadn't heard of Panam she took some much needed sleep. 

But at night time there was a knock on her door and desperately she hoped it was her. 

She opened it and a smile spread across her lips when she saw it was Panam. “Hey,” she greeted. 

“Hey,” it was returned. 

“Come and sit. I’ll get us something to drink.” V went to the fridge and got two beers out. 

“Listen V. Sorry for storming out like that.”

“Don’t,” V stopped her, “I get it.”

“But I don't.” Panam sighed. And V took a seat next to her and handed her the beer. “I don’t have someone in my head so I can’t even begin to imagine how this must be for you. But don’t you want something out of your head that’s killing you?”

V placed her beer down on the table. “I want to get the bio-chip out. You have no idea how desperate I am at this point. It’s just…”

Panam squeezed her hand, “Help me understand.”

“After a while you and that person builds a relationship. It’s hard not to when you have someone in your head for 24/7 and I got to know him. It’s hard to let go.”

“But you know you have to.”

V gave her a sad smile, “I know. But it doesn’t make things easier.”

“Okay,” Panam said as she sat up straighter, “I think I sort of get it. Not really. But I understand this must be hard for you. Just let me know if you need something, okay? You can always count on me.”

“Thanks Panam, I appreciate it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwrites.tumblr.com/).


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